letting go

When I worked the other night- it was very busy. I took the mother of one of our newborns down to see her little one in the NICU and noticed, my favorite patients infant was not in it's room. I was very nervous, I had grown very close to mom/dad and have felt their pain over the past few months.

It came to my attention during the previous week the our dr.'s had finally given the parents a dx. that was VERY bad to say the least. And both Mom and Dad had agreed that this past Saturday night to discontinue care,. They would finally be able to hold their beautiful baby without the tubes and medications.

I was able to spend some time with them and their little one, and as sad and heartbreaking as it was, their baby was just as beauitful as the night I was able to help deliver her/him into this world. I hope to be as strong as they have been in the future and will conitnue to think about their family always.

Purple

A Reason to Believe---In What?

A reason to believe--- in what?

I find myself totally confused in what I do at my job and in all honestly--it is pushing me to my limits on what I believe in anymore, or if I believe in anything at all.

Parents come to us, with little hope- for their unborn child, and we are pushing the limits on medicine, saving such young lives. We are pioneers in fetal medicine and there are days, that are wonderful and then there are days when grief is just the word of the day.

I have never been too much of a "holy-roller', even though I was raised Strict Catholic by my Grandmother, and because of that--- it is the reason I find myself so far distant as an adult. Pushed and pushed into the Catholic Faith and made to go to church and pray everyday etc.......

I have found myself questioning my faith and beliefs especially for the last few months with the job change.

I have some things I do believe in like Karma- what comes around goes around, and that people come into your life for various reasons, there is a purpose, at the time we may not know, but there is a reason.

I gave up on hope, this past week, I can not explain the reason why, but I did, I really thought that I was going to leave my job, but when I met my patient the other night, she gave me, "Hope!"

After all, "hope lives here".