Thursday, August 14, 2008

My Job

My new job has been good and bad all tried together with a nice bow. The job looked great prior to my transfer but once here I realize more than ever--- life is definitely what it is cracked up to be. It is the little things, that get us through the day- a soft smile a lovely hello and sometimes not saying anything at all just letting them cry on our shoulders.

I feel greatly connected to these mothers in some ways yet so distant. Almost afraid to comfort them and tell them it will be all right. That they will some how make it through all this pain, even if their infant does not.

Being a mother of 4 and my first being a premature infant I rode that roller coaster. One day, my baby was great - progressing nicely, then 4 hours later being told my baby may have NEC. Something no mother wants to here when their baby is in the NICU, or the fact that there is now another concern they did not initially suspect, but now do.

We have lost a few babies this past week alone, the sadness is unbelievable, especially when they have been told, we foster, "hope". I feel like sometimes we are blowing sunshine up butts for the sake of medicine.

My favorite patient whom I have taken care of our the past few weeks delivered recently, and her baby has not a chance of survival. Her baby lies in the NICU, ventilated, sedated, , chest tubes and all, and I am finding it so hard to say goodbye to her before she is discharge to home.

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