Swimming Any One?

Yeah, yeah, I know sorry for the lack of posts lately.....I want to say welcome to my new followers, please be sure to comment every now and then!

So how was your day at work?

Thanks for asking, it sucked BALLS.....

Crazy-assed patient comes in with an inflatable pool to give birth in......and she thought I was going to help blow it up too!!

Crazy, crazy, crazy....never a boring day at work!

I am going to win an Oscar !

I was assisting in a delivery a few hours ago, and I did the whole Happy Birthday singing, during some resuscitation etc....told the parents how handsome their new baby boy was but, let me tell you, he was truly a FLK(funny looking kid) at first I was a little concerned, because Mom & Dad looked pretty normal, but then the Dad's brother showed up along with the Paternal Grandparents and all my concerns disappeared:-)

Did you really just ask that???

As many of you know, I had my left elbow completely reconstructed in January. It was pretty uncomfortable, to say the least! I had 4 c/sections-two were classical c/sections(I was cut up and down inside and out) and two nice little bikini cut c/sections. All 4 combined after surgery did not top the pain that one little surgery on my arm caused. I could sum it up on a scale of 1 to 10 as 100, yes, I know I sound like one of those crazy drug seeking patients, but really it was 100.

Maybe, it was due to the fact, I had my arm dislocated again, because in all seriousness it didn't hurt enough the first time, then they reset by bones, because even though they healed nicely the first time, they healed 1.5 inches away from each other, I got new ligaments from a cadaver because it turns out I had NO ligaments holding my arm in place. My favorite part of the surgery was all sorts of holes being drilled into my bones to suture the new ligament/tendons in place.....and I hate general anesthesia so I asked to be happily confused during the surgery until after they dislocated my arm I definitely remember screaming something like M-fer.....

A quick little public service announce- Never, Never Fall on Outstretched hands!!

Which finally brings me to: What did my kids say today? I have another follow up appointment in the am with Ortho.

1. Mom is that Dr. who always tries to pull out your arm of it's socket going try it again tomorrow?

2. Does the doctor actually know the dead guy who's ligaments/tendons you have?

3. Doesn't your new arm gave like a 5 year warranty?

I.love.my.kids!!!

I Love My Patients

My patients are cracking me up tonight again!

This is the second time in the past 6 months, while my patient was in labor and trying to push a 10 pound, 11 ounce baby out of her vagina-she grabbed my arm so hard and said, she was going to kill her husband::giggle::
It definitely did not help he was SCREAMING, "And Push, One, Two, Three", etc....

Public Service Announcement #321 again, she is not deaf, and neither was any other person in the room!

If I was him, I would sleep with one eye open because after she is sown back together again and gets up to walk around in the next few hours, she will probably give New Dad some pillow therapy!!

Welcome

Welcome to my new followers! Do not expect much from me for this social media shit is hard to keep up with!! I do not post much anymore but maybe that will change, who knows....

Well, if you haven't read to much into my blog, I'm a nurse/actress....functioning as a nurse, but acting like a give a damn most days....sorry to say that but it is the truth.....

I always wanted to be a vet, but they have fucked up jobs like nurses too, however my take is animals are way more cooler than humans on most given days.

I would personally like to thank my patient for bring in her Toy Dog while she was in labor nothing like having to babysit her sorry ass in labor and watch her puppy until a family member could pick the little thing up and also thank you for making me have to clean up your dogs shit----it's not like my day didn't suck already!

Goodbye

How to say Goodbye......

There is no easy way, Mothers are always more upset, mostly being because they knew their baby longer, the little kicks, movements and the funny hiccups.....I really dislike my job on days like today, with every infant my parents have lost---I feel as if a piece of myself goes with them.

Helpless and hopeless, I have no explanations for them and no words to comfort them come to my mind, just a wide-eyed nurse with the look of being caught in headlights.

If my job does not suck enough, try to imagine telling them it is time to let go........

Geez, Many Thanks!

Wow, all!!!
I went from 4 followers to 39, geez I am honored...maybe I'll try to blog more--Welcome aboard, hold on to your pull-ups, grab a diet pepsi and enjoy the ride.......

Don't count me out

To the lovely Dr. who created the: push-one, two, three, four etc..... and to the asshole fathers who scream this at their wives/ baby mama's during delivery.... if your having a kid you better know how to count, and secondly STOP yelling this at your wife and your nurse because it make me want to do some serious pillow therapy on you AND your wife just whispered in my ear she wants to kill you in your sleep!!!!

Your favorite Labor and Delivery Nurse:-)

Nothing New

Hello Everyone,


Sorry I have not posted in a while but I've done some posting on Twitter instead but I think it's about time to get back to blogger:)

My patients are still crazy as ever, nothing has changed and most parent are still dumb! I also think doing any type of newborn teaching to Mom and or Dad is usually a complete waste of my time. No one pays attention and Mom is either to sleep deprived or too overwhelmed to process anything I'm trying to teach. Still trying to do a survey or how to handle this the best.

Saw the Flyers pay a few days ago--They Rock:) More to Follow

Change is good right?

So, I decided to change a few things on this blog. Why not, right? What do I have to lose.

I'm sick of my job almost everyday I work. I really and truly thought the transfer to a new unit would be great, and in all honestly it has not been. It has been quite depressing to say the least.

While we were told, we would be the first ever of it's kind....and we are, there is so much more despair than any of us could have imagined, death and lack of hope, human experimentation in my book all in the name of research, well thats just my opinion.

I've come to realize in the past 2 years, we have lost OVER 9 employees, doesn't that send a red flag to administration that something is wrong? It's not getting much better, just busier.

We are at our wits end, we lost HOPE, it doesn't live here.

From your employees.......

Other news....I'm getting old....Seriously, I am...I was planning a trip back to California--hopefully, but that has been knocked down....trampled on-- no less!

When are the Foo Fighters getting back together and touring? I need a fix. Turning older really sucks for sure and seeing them would just make this year a little brighter.

If anyone out there is reading this from Southern California and you want to send me a burger from Carney's--send me an email, Okay!

Can I leave Now???, Please..

Memo, from the "Organization".....

"We will be installing a jacuzzi in one of our delivery rooms in the next few weeks".

Great, I can't imagine, or wait maybe I can imagine... how much of a mess that is going to be to clean up-YUCK!!!!!!!!

Thanks!!
Your Truly Faithful Employee
PSO

Sexually Active?

So,....I asked the age old question to my patient, "Are you sexual active?"

The response, " No I just try to lay there."

I kid you not,...jeez...it's going to be a long 12 hours....

really dude?

sorry i have not written in so long, i don't have to much to say except that i'm very busy with the kiddo's and yes, my job still sucks most days.

the only new things are:

a. if you are going to stay overnight with your loved one, please where pajamas. i do not like seeing you come out of the bathroom in the middle of the night- in your underwear, it's bad enough i have to look at perineums, and lochia, let only your ugly ass in stained underwear!

b. evidence based practice has confirmed that rm#2 is graded to the right- if your wife does have a postpartum bleed, it will run out of her to the floor and if we're lucky enough down and out into the hallway---watch you're step!

c. don't take the liberty of showing you're loved one how to use the breast-pump you look like an idiot, seriously ring for a nurse to show your wife---that was gross and i really would prefer seeing her use it correctly than you!

d. why on god's green earth would the two of you EVEN consider to have sex only 2 days post delivery than not only ruined my day, but my year---good grief

Patients:)

Today, I had the honor of taking care of a patient who is not only a Pharmacist, but wears multiple caps, Pharmacist/RN/Dr/new mother, she is an utter complete a-hole along with her husband, God Bless her new infant, she'll have a long life to bear.....

Tupperware

I love Tupperware just like most other women I know...BUT stop bring shit in Tupperware containers to the Triage Room in the Labor and Delivery Unit, it is just f-ing gross!

Public Service Announcement # 41.

No Way!

An old patient of mine, decided to call the Labor and Delivery department to let me know she is expecting once again this August!

It was very thoughtful of her, you see... she is a G14, P12 and I delivered her last 7, yes, thats right..I was the nurse on when she delivered her last 7 children. Hard to believe but true, she specifically asked if she could call me when she goes into labor with number 13. Kind -of - an -honor, kind-of Crazy!

Super Delivery

Last night, I had a wonderful delivery for me--- anyway. Patient was a G2, P1 laboring patient, who was pretty sure her water broke on the way to the hospital---husband pretty much confirmed this too.

She came in pretty upset, she only started to have ctx. over the past 30 minutes, and her water probably broke 10 minutes prior to her arrival. She was screaming or shouting something about an epidural, but after making it through triage in a record time of 2 minutes she delivered a beautiful Baby Girl via her pant-leg and amazingly enough, did not sustain an tears and or lacerations. Though her pants were laid to rest and the fact she was insisting on an epidural post delivery---it was an amazingly fast delivery.

Mother and baby were healthy and happy as could be:) It made my night. See, somedays I really do enjoy my job!

Preeclampic patients!

So, many of you know how I feel about preeclampic patients they can be VERY, VERY Scary!

Like last night.....Patient had Major Neurological event dispite proper interventions and protocols=MAJOR lawsuit.


Pretty much can say this was the worst night to date I have ever worked in 16 years!!!!

Sunday Stealing

Cheers to all us thieves!Sunday Stealing: The Monkey's Meme

AN FYI TO MY READERS, I JUST GOT HOME FROM NIGHT-SHIFT, BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Name one person who made you smile today: The patient who came in at 0441 with her mucus plug in a Tupperware container, seriously I didn't need to see it...I believe you:)))

2. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Trying to get the thought of that thing out of my head, YUCK!!

3. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Driving home.

4. What is your favorite candy bar? Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

5. Have you ever been to a strip club? Of course

6. What was the last thing you had to drink? 2% milk

7. What was the last thing you ate? I can not remember, but it was not in Tupperware container thank GOD!!

8. The last sporting event you watched? The Phillies against some other team the other night, we won...thats all that matters:)

9. Do you go to church every Sunday? No

10. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Neither thank you.

11. What are you doing tomorrow? Sleeping a few hours before going to work hopefully.

12. What do you think of when you hear Australia? That guy from Wolverine

13. Biggest annoyance right now? That fact I just got home and all 4 are awake, and husband is at work until 1830 or later... I will probably not get more that 3 hours sleep before we go to a party at 4pm.

14. Last song listened to? Love Her Madly by The Doors

15. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Haahhh

16. Are you jealous of anyone? People who have maids

17. Is anyone jealous of you? I don't think so

18. What do you usually do during the day? Sleep, since I work night-shift.

19. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? No, I'm a lover, not a hater.

20. Are you thinking about someone right now? Not someone, something--My BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Goodnight to All, Have A Wonderful Sunday,
Purple

another day, another crazy night!

Last night was crazy ass busy in the unit as always! Stat c-section, baby with a bad diagnosis and not enough help. Begged for help for administration, only to hear we are doing what we can???WTF!!!!! Wait until someone dies and or better yet a baby dies, then we will have more help than we need!